yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
