In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
