i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
