The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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