it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
