her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
