My room smells like vodka and shame
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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