Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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