If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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