just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
