We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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