You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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