I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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