if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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