forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
