Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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