I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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