If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
