Do you still have your period?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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