No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
