I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
