I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
