i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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