Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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