I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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