READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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