Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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