Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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