I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
