Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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