Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
