if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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