You made me cry and you don't even care
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
