the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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