I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize