hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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