Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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