xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
