your room smells of hookers.
And success
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize