And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
