Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
