I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
