I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
