I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
