Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it's like iHOP with fire
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
