Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
