I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
