i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
