Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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