And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm going to jail i love you
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
