the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
