I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My pussy is not your playground.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
