thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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