fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize