pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
