Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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