hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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