a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
