Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
