Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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