Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
