i used baking grease as lip gloss
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
