I'm really into asian looking animals
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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