my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize