There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I DEMAND FORESKIN
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
