I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
