Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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