I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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