Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize