I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
