so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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