Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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