All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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